Ponbiki Z
Ponbiki Z is © Alberto Rios
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On a tranquil night, an easygoing guy named Pablo witnesses something very peculiar. A falling star appears to fall down in neighboring woodlands. When Pablo investigates he finds crashed amidst the forest, an alien creature. Soon he learns from this wayward life form that his enemies are in pursuit, determined to rid the universe of all forms of life. Mortally wounded, the alien needs Pablo's help. In this crucial moment Pablo's existence is forever changed, as he becomes the only hope for all of humanity. He is granted a legacy—one that has much hope and power, but also has some tragedy. He is to become Ponbiki Z.
I get the spoofs but just wasn't good. It ended way too abrubtly and not in a cliffhanger type of way.
sweet as sugar
keep it up alberto! always digging the new panels bro =]
The only thing I don't like is the lettering, the rest of the strip is AWESOME! I would read this again!
There haven't been enough straight up super-hero submissions yet. Good work!
I love this, but you should just delete all the captions, and maybe add one or two lines of dialogue, like when the kid sees the meteor, he could say "Huh?" and when he sees the robot, he could say, "Oh, man!" That's all it needs. The captions you have there now just get in the way of the story.
q: why do you wear a mask?
a: because I'm awesome.
XD!!!!!!
Ponbiki Z fans, check out the Knave of Krypton comic strip interview with Ponbiki, now online at www.knaveofkrypton.com/interviews.html.
We'll be posting interviews with all the Zuda competitors as the day continues, so keep checking back in. And a big thanks to Alberto Rios for collaborating!
Pages 4-8 are great but it takes too long to build up towards them, so by the time they arrive my mind is already wandering. I would love to see what pages 9-12 are like b/c I get the feeling that there is where the magic happens...
I really like the art. The black and white fits the story really well. The pointless commentary on what we can see for ourselves detracts from it however.
damn. this is without doubt one of the best strips on the site for art and concept but unfortunately i think it suffers from (relative) decompression.
it should still rank a lot higher though, and i'm rating it five stars because it deserves four and i'd give it five if i was more satisfied by the end.
Not bad at all great dimensions on how the camera angles change thats something I need help with. I dig it...on a scale from one to five I'll give it a 3.
Ok,so I am not a big fan of the manga style But I like the set up.
I would agree that the pacing is stretched out.I like the
black and white.I also like the angles in your strip.Nice way to change it up. I would read this to see where it goes.
Hmmm...I don't think my vote will go here, but it is better than most in the competition. Ciretainly not deserving of the ten spot.
I dig the art and the concept. Do you plan on having the main character narrating the whole series like that？ Its working well enough for now, but I've seen it get tedious a lot in other comics if you're not careful. I'll laugh if he starts talking like Frank Miller's Ba'tman and giving a play-by-play of how he's breaking his opponent down =D
Alberto, your site has some solid stuff! I really dig all the robot-widget-looking-thingamabobs. And the colors! Got a real graf feel to it. If Ponbiki Z doesn't come through, I hope you submit some other ideas.
I'd do you... er... I mean, I like it. ;-)
sorry but i can't see why you're at the bottom, they're comics who are much less good than you.
Alberto, if you get a chance, send me an email at theknave@knaveofkrypton.com, I have a promotional opportunity for Ponbiki Z.
First the good ... You are an excellent artist! I love your character design and style. Overall, the black, white, and gray look works pretty good, but there are some points where it gets confusing (like with the mushroom cloud tree).
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Now the not so good ... Your pacing needs work. I felt like there wasn't enough story to fill eight pages so you stretched it out. As I mentioned above you are a good artist, but not such a good storyteller. I looked at your website and read a couple of sequential pages there and came to the same conclusion I had with this comic; your situations are cliched without much promise of anything original or provocative to stimulate further interest. Also, I believe you could have cut the whole 'this is my normal day' speech and just showed the character doing something mundane and then jumped right into the meteor crash. This is such a cliche thing to say, but remember, Show don't Tell.
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I think the problem is you're more of an illustrator than writer. The solution to that problem is to read some fundamental books on plot development, characterization, and dialogue or team up with a pretty good writer.
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Overall, not a bad read, the premise is promising if handled correctly, above average art, and interesting character designs (however, I don't know much about any of the actual characters and their motivations just yet). 3 out of 5 stars.
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-Jernell
Nice Work man... I like it.
Keep working :) Don't let that you current place defeat you.
WELL GOD DAMN..I just looked at his website...the characters..the iconic designs..so VERY WANT... next time, start with an ADHD fight scene, and fill it with YOUR CHIBI MONSTER DESIGNS which totally rule over all the 'cute' stuff posted on zuda so far. I'm workin on a new one, so you work on a new one, and together we'll both launch mortars into the zuda green zone!!!
Pon... Don't let your current place in the competition get you down. Believe me, it's not your drawing that's the problem. You're a good artist. Of course you'll improve, but everybody does. There are a lot of factors involved in the whole voting thing, and one of the ones weighing against you somewhat is the genre, as not all American and European readers are huge fans of the manga look, but especially of the more humorous, light hearted variety like yours. But another thing you must look at, and I think the biggest factor not in your favor is the story. Writing is a very difficult craft, and it must be studied and practiced as much as drawing if you want to catch an audiences attention. You should probably try reading some books by writers, for writers. It'll help a bunch... A good starting point is the DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O'Neil. It'll teach you quite a bit, and I also found a book online by a guy named Joe Edkin... Google him and you should find it... Really helpful and you can print it for free. Anyway... keep at it. You should be honored that you made it into this competition... that's hard enough!
Soo I'm in the hole now. Thats ok its about the experience
to tell you the thruth. I still can't belive Crooked man is 3ranked. that art is awesome and the story as well. So even if Was top ranked I be loosing to lame stick pirates hahahah.It just shows what people like now-a-days.
Mushroom cloud tree hahahaha I never saw that till it got pointed out. And about the color yeah every one has a huge advantage over mine due to my lack of colors something that won't happen again. My lettering and soo on. but to tell you the thruth this is actually my second try on the same story that I had submitted since the original was in letter head format so i redrew 8 brand new pages from scratch in 2 weeks.That Zuda was kind to give me to enter the december compitition. That not a excuse is something I'm proud of since i was still meeting deadline. I should had just made it a silent story since thats my specialty....but then i get people saying were the dialogue its better with dialogue you can't make every one happy.. oh well im still having a great time. any kind of publicity is better then none. I appreciate every ones info thank you all. especially the ones that voted on my stuff. hahahah this internet thing is wild.
Decent, but unless the story of "kid meets alien" gets a neat twist, no care ever.
Best of luck.
I know it must be disappointing to be ranked near the bottom, but there is a bright side to this. You're getting a ton of valuable feedback and exposure here. That alone would seem to be worth it to me.
What most people are commenting as a "problem" I found to be stylized. It gives noirish feel, and it gives motion to where there isn't. Without the blocks it would just be a series of pictures. Sure the jest of the story could have been attained, but without any sense of character.
As far as the kid meets alien story. I come from the belief there are five stories, that's it, they are just retold over and over. Nothing is original anymore. It's better to look for a story well told than hold out for something fresh.
However I understand that one can grow tired of a storyline mine is "the chosen one". If I ever hear "insert name you are the chosen one" it will be too soon.
I liked the comic. The best part was when I clicked to go to the next page and there wasn't one. There may as well have been a cheesy announcer saying "Will he make out of this alive tune in next week same Bat-time same Bat-channel"
I was hooked and wanted to see more, which few of the Zuda comics do.
Definately feel that others have covered the major faults pretty well, so I'd like to start with what I enjoyed about the strip.
I think you've got good design sense and you've got the potential to be a pretty clear storyteller. A few exceptions leap out, among them the nuclear blast panel which is made more problematic I think by the sweating asthmatic reaction in the panel immediately prior.
MPD saw a mushroom cloud instead of a tree because you built us up to expect something notable and then delayed it in favor of drawing half of a tree.
Of course, the redundant voice-over is the biggest strike against.
I also don't know if I'd have been willing to pit black and white against color. It's a competition and you probably could have used some extra visual interest.
As it is, I'd rank you 8th in my own personal rankings.
This strip has a lot of problems all pointed out below. I was really geared up to like this and I'm disappointed with the execution. I like the character design of the hero and the alien, and some of the layout. But too many things going wrong here for whatever reason. I really thought our hero was going to get caught by that atomic bomb blast until I realised it was a badly drawn tree!!! Yikes!
Respect though for giving it a shot and putting yourself up for the competition. I'd love to know what is going through the minds of the editor's when they stick you up against a wall like 'A Crooked Man' and shoot you! It seems ever so not slighty unfair! I feel for you, but you're not the worst here, so keep on doing what you're doing, but better! Respect!
The pacing...
moves ...
like ...
this.
*slight derailment*
Is no-one else going to mention this? We're all just going to let HerrZEBA's comment slide? Iron Giant was *not* Disney. It was Warner Bros. And it was AWESOME.
*sorry, Pon* ;o)
On the topic of movies though - here's a case for dispelling the growing opinion that comics are just film storyboards on a page. The 'why say it if you can show it' principle. There are SO many movies that use the old voiceover gag, example: Voiceover - 'Then he said "That's not a chicken"' - and then the character ACTUALLY says 'That's not a chicken'. Sure, it works (ONCE) in movies, but not at all in comics.
Sorry. I'm done. Don't mind me...
AAHHH FINALLY PON, its bout time!
lookin good hombre!
yeah, it looks like you used helvetica... and if the reader can tell whats going on by looking at the picture, you dont need to tell it in narration too, you could use that narration start drafting personality or backstory.
They're some pretty basic gripes, but they're easy to see once someone points them out to you. I'd love to see more of this, it's only day two, maybe you'll get a groundswell later in the round ;)
Ouch! ranked 10th well I see now what I need to work on the most and thats my lettering and anything that involves putting words on a page. I'm still happy how everything else has turned out, and see other like the art and layouts something I've been trying hard to perfect in the last couple of years. I like to thank every one for their input it helps alot. Thanks you every one.
I like your style and layouts. The biggest issue is the lettering and the caption placement. To many changes in font size, etc. Placement where a sentence is finished in another caption box can be disrupting to the flow. 3/5
Alberto- "then a loud crash came from beyond the trees behind us" in the next panel sfx: CRASH (from beyond the trees behind them) It would be like a text box saying "Superman punches Luthor" and the panel showing Superman punching Luthor. If the art shows it, why a need to say it in the text? This comic and at least one other has no dialouge at all- just thought balloon's playing at being text boxes. I like to get my info from character's interacting with each other, it holds my attention better than reading someone's chain of thought's in the text. The alien was cute (I don't even think puppie's or kitten's are cute. So great job on the art) I would like to know why you chose to color it/ tone it the way you did? Are you a big manga fan? The story remined me of the origin of the silver age Green Lantern, find a alien get some power's. I don't mind you started off at the begining, but wouldn't it make more sense to start off after the synopsis? The boy, alien, and the robot- more action maybe. This comic should finish higher than ten: good art and a familar story that I don't mind reading again. 3/5 from me.
you gotta love extra terrestrial Luchadors!
I think this has my favorite art of this round, but the story is too much of an introduction. Too much of a "here's what my story is going to be if I win" type thing. I think the biggest problem many of the entries have had thus far is they spend the 8 pages introducing what the story will be about, instead of just starting right in on the story like it was going to contiune.
I honestly think thats the biggest reason High Moon beat Battlefield Babysitter last round
The art is great, the characters have a great look to them. The inner monologue is lacking...but damn those layouts are good.
How many - I ask - how many "alien comes to Earth meets a boy, they became friends and save the world" stories can there be? It reminds me A BIT of Disney's "Iron Giant". And if you have to use this popular idea over again then I would expect something more to make it interesting for me than that.
Some good storytelling here. I think what hurts is the end, because the story is interrupted at the climax and we never get to know what happens next. The conclusion is so open that if this title doesn´t win we´ll never get the point of the story. Anyway, congratulations for the art and storytelling, it really held my attention and curiosity through the 8 pages. Keep up the solid work.
The lettering really ruined it for me. Some really cool art and a nice story though.
A good story for sure. I'd like to see what happens next.
The art is okay for this type of story, but again with the pointless, overused captions. One says, "There was a crash behind me," and then the next panel literally has a crash sound effect. One of them was redundant. Spreading a 3 word sentance across an entire page got annoying, too.
Also, the pacing SEEMED brisk, but then I realized how many panels of the same thing I was looking at. A lot more story could have been packed into these 8 pages, which might have better served it.
First impressions - you have my interest. I don't always like the rendering and the plotting seems forced, more like a month one Zuda contestant might have presented. (ooh dig!)
I actually thought the art started out a little ... inconsistent, but then it gets SO much better. And it's good solid storytelling too. Nothing confusing, good pacing. And the 'ass' line made me laugh out loud. Good luck! :)
that first page is just stunning. it really shows depth. it's almost 3D.
Man this one read fast! I wish there was more.
I like the facial expressions.
Good job! The story is nicely told.